


Lacuna

by ignitethestars



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: (in the form of a brief aida/fitz mention), Angst, Angst and Feels, Coda, Confusion, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 17:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10701465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitethestars/pseuds/ignitethestars
Summary: Coda fic for 4x18: Fitz's thoughts about Jemma in the Framework.





	Lacuna

**Author's Note:**

> definition of lacuna from bing (I'm probably not even using the term correctly but shhh), brief mentions of Fitz/Aida (not in a romantic sense though). Also Fitz's dirtbag of a dad is here, too.

> la·cu·na
> 
> [ləˈk(y)o͞onə]
> 
> NOUN
> 
>  
> 
> ** an unfilled space or interval; a gap: **

 

  
  
  


_ At night, he dreams of her. A woman with lush, dark curls and a smile as piercing as a sun. He dreams of holding her, hearing her melodic laughter that makes his heart dance in his chest. He dreams of her pliant lips against his, a soft pull and push that makes him dizzy with want. _

 

At night, he stays wide awake watching the moonlight filter in through the curtains, Ophelia’s arms wrapped tight around his midsection, as though she’s afraid he may drift away in the night. Sometimes he rolls over to gaze at her sharp features, feeling as though there isn’t something quite right about being with her...but then she’ll wake and give him a smile and he forgets about any of his misgivings.

 

_ In the lab, he can hear a woman with a British accent speaking in a humorous tone, often teasing him about something (“Is that so, Doctor Fitzy?”) but sometimes she speaks with a wobbly voice, as though it takes up all her strength to say anything at all (“Fitz, please just listen to me!”). It makes him smile to himself when she teases him, laughter echoing in her voice. His heart aches so badly when she sounds devastation that he sometimes wonders if this is what dying might feel like. _

 

In the lab, his father visits. He’s still, like a statue, watching events unfold around him like some all-seeing god. He keeps Fitz in line, telling him when he’s made a mistake, clearing Fitz’s mind when he’s troubled. And with a few harsh words, Fitz is no longer troubled. He’s saving the world by working to eradicate the Inhuman plague. This society is a great one, and it will continue to be so, so long as Fitz remains as stoic as possible.

 

_ During interrogations, he sometimes sees her in the corner of the room, staring at him disapprovingly. She’ll follow him, scolding him for his actions. He does his best to ignore her, but the woman is infuriating and she has some sort of control over him. Her voice does things to his heart, her smile makes him weak in the knees, but to see her disappointed in him makes him feel like a failure. He doesn’t want her to be disappointed in him, ever. _

 

During interrogations, Madame Hydra will smile approvingly at him if she decides to watch. She encourages him, coaxes him when his anger gets the best of him. She makes him feel as though he is doing the right thing, and he wants to believe her but there’s a voice in the back of his head screaming about how wrong it is.

 

_ When he sees her, he freezes. It feels as if his world is collapsing. That’s her. The woman of his dreams; he knows her, knows every part of her. Can remember the feel of her lips against his, how cold her hands is. He remembers making love with her in a dimly light hotel room, he remembers seeing her fall...being unable to stop her from falling…. _

 

When he sees her picture, he freezes her. His world is dissintergrating and he doesn’t know why but the devastation on her face is worse than any form of torture. He feels like he’s drowning, caught in a wave of emotions he can scarcely understand. Her voice freezes him, because he recognizes it.

 

But before the pieces fall together, he’s being dragged away in a hail of bullets.

 

_ He can’t stop thinking about her. Her face, her voice, the coldness of her hands ghost across his cheeks and arms at midnight, he can hear her laughter at a terrible joke he told about a poster. He can feel her lips against his cheeks, warm and soft. He can feel her arms wrapped around him in an embrace, like he’s a lifeline that she nearly lost. And he feels as if a part of him is missing, as though there is a blank space in the story that is Leopold James Fitz, and he’s not sure how to get it back. _

 

He can’t stop thinking about her, how she seemed to know him. How Skye and Radcliffe claimed he knew and loved her, how he crossed the universe to rescue her. How he sacrificed himself at the bottom of the ocean for her. 

 

He couldn’t forget the look of horror on her face after he pulled the trigger, how his name echoed across the grassy field back to him, like a sharp slap to the face. He couldn’t forget the tears that had fallen down her cheeks.

 

She was a subversive. A traitor. She had to be stopped.

 

_ She’s a biochemist. A hero. He loves her. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Please remember to like/leave comments if you're comfortable with that! <3 If you want to see a prompt written, hit me up on tumblr (I'm jemmaskyewalker there). It may take awhile for me to finish up the prompt due to time constraints.


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